To Aru Majutsu no Index 7 – Index Should Have Just Stayed In the Kitchen

Author: nova

Thought Nova was finished with Index? I thought so too. But here I am again, crying like a little bitch about how the show is pissing me off time and time again. And speaking of bitches, there’s one right here above this paragraph.

So let me cut the crap and get down to business: Index is a head-shattering, gut-mangling, nut-busting bitch. She made me want to split my head open, grab my monitors and throw them out of the window hopefully landing them on the brats from downstairs who make hellish noise outside every damn afternoon (now I know where Valve got the nasty voices for the black headcrabs in Half-Life 2 from), drive my car down a bridge onto a railway yard and crash into a midnight express in a massive fireball. Thought Ami-chan has been spending too much time outside the kitchen? Ever thought Louise needs a taste of a five across the face? Index eats shit like that for breakfast before biting Touma in the nuts and taking off for downtown to find more mikos she hasn’t tried PMSing at yet.

One day Touma is wandering outside, totally minding his own business and spending money on expensive school books so he could actually finish his education. When Index finds out about how much it cost, is she encouraging and proud of him for investing in his future? Does she promise to cook him a nice meal and bring beer from the fridge while he’s busy watching sports? Hell no. She gets all pissy and suggests that there is a better way of spending the money. Like all women, of course, she won’t just come out and say it. Instead she keeps beating around the bush until Touma is too tired of her bullshit and let her have her way. You mean with $33 I shouldn’t buy books to study for school, but a fuckload of ice cream to silence a selfish bitch? For heaven’s sake Touma, who is the one wearing the pants in your relationship? The only proper answer is to deploy the good ol’ knuckle sandwich and tell her “Oh sorry, I didn’t hear you over the sound of you not making any sense“.

Later at a burger joint Touma, his classmates and Index run into a cute miko (voiced by Noto, man talk about double win). While the men are having a totally casual conversation with her, Index gets pissy for no reason and enters PMS DEFCON 1 when she hears the magic word “beautiful”. Of course, this ends up in the way it always does when a female dislikes another female for no logical reason – she accuses her for being a whore. After the miko reveals herself to be a magician, Index gets even more wind in her sails and throws a ton of bullshit in her face. What the fuck is your problem, Index? I mean, you basically made your boyfriend spend buttloads of cash to treat you an equal buttload of ice cream, call a totally random streetsperson a whore and demand her personal information. For the sake of all that’s good in the world, get back to the kitchen which you shouldn’t have left in the first place.

On the way back home Index runs into an abandoned cat in a cardboard box – a combination that spells nothing but major pain in the ass. Touma does his best to explain why he can’t adopt the cat even if he wanted to, but it’s not like mere logic can stop Index from demanding it. Of course, the cat is scared away by Index’s loud bitching, but of course Touma gets the blame. To let off some steam, Index complains about how Japanese traditions involve doing nasty shit to cats, while English fox hunting is totally prideful and AOK pastime for the whole family. Yeah, that shit sure is prideful when you let a few dozen hounds to chase a single fox until it’s too tired to dodge your shotgun.

Later on when Index arrives at home – surprise! So you decided to ignore the fact that Touma is forbidden to bring pets to the dorm and his budget is already strained enough when he’s forced to feed an extra mouth that won’t stay shut whenever it wants something. Also, never mind the fact that the damn critter is going to shit and piss all over the place. Yeah, as long as you get whatever you want, Index, then I guess it’s okay even if it means shit for everyone else. Oh lord, why didn’t Kaori properly kill her when she took the shot.